Friday, July 25, 2014

Leslie Langtry Has Presbyterian...no, Presbyhopetia...no, Needs Bifocals


I'm getting old.
How do I know this? Because I had to get bifocals. Sigh.

I didn't want to. But things were getting a little (ok, a LOT) blurry around the edges and I realized I couldn't keep looking over my glasses at the computer (mainly because it hurt). Nor could I reach far enough away to hit the keyboard and see the screen clearly. And I have the arms of an orangutan. Seriously, my ballet teacher in college said, 'you have unusually long arms for a woman' and I didn't punch him in the face - not even once.

As an author - I NEED to be able to see my computer screen. I don't want to have to go back to a typewriter or pen and pencil - although I'd probably have the same problem there. So what do I do? I ask my friends and family.

Two people said, "Get multifocal contacts!  You'll hate them for a couple of weeks, but then you'll love them!"

Four people said, "Get no line bifocals!  You'll hate them for a couple of weeks, but then you'll love them!"

My eye doctor said, "Get progressive bifocals! They're like trifocals. You'll hate them for a couple of weeks, but then you'll love them!"

Too many options, but interestingly - the same result. Every single person I asked said I'd hate them first, then love them. That didn't sound good. I needed to write during those two weeks. I guess I could have dictated to my teenage daughter and then hide my irritability as she uses the two-finger hunt and peck method. I could do that Dragon software where you talk to the computer and it types it out - but then I have terrible luck with Siri on my phone. When I say, "Call my husband," she always asks me if I want to, "All lie fluffpin."

I had no choice. I had to get them. Things were dire! Which means, when an author says that, things were actually mildly annoying.  Even though he was the only one who said so, I decided to go with my doctor's advice because, quite frankly, he should know more about it than that woman I keep running into at the grocery store, who's name I can't remember.

I'm on my third week now. And you know what? Every single person was right.  Advice that sounded like it came from a sci-fi hive mind of Stepford Wives turned out to be true.

I hated them, and now I love them. Now I just have to stop falling down when I use the stairs. Then everything will be perfect.

Leslie Langtry


13 comments:

  1. I hear you, Leslie! I am a combination of contact lenses, reading glasses, regular glasses, and alternate "computer" glasses if I'm not wearing my contacts. Interesting, I can read a book sans any eyewear, but I can see the computer screen. *sigh* Getting old right along with you...

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    1. Yes, but you look much better than me doing it, Laura!

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  2. LOL! After wearing the mono contacts for a few years I've gone to wearing just one contact in my right eye to correct my near sightedness. It was weird at first not wearing a left contact, but now my vision is near perfect!

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    1. I've heard of that Maria - mono vision. Sounds like something I got from kissing a boy in the '80's.

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  3. I am the last hold out from my group of friends not to have reading glasses. But after reading this I can no longer ignore the ache in my eyes, the words getting just a tad blurry. Today at Costco I will pick up my own three pack of reading glasses, the kind my husband leaves strewn around our house. Hopefully he'll feel the same way about me as I do him when he looks at me over the top of his reading glasses-- I find it super sexy. Ahhhh, middle aged love.

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  4. That's it Ellyn! Silver lining and all that!

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    1. Thanks Sheila! It's even funnier now that I can see! ;)

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  6. Um, I may have bought them, but never got past the hate them stage. As a matter of fact they may be somewhere on the other side of the world on a dresser right now.

    Can I read the ingredients on anything, sigh, no. Can I read paper books, sigh, not without a whole lot of light and the book at the right distance. But with the right sized letters, I can read plenty fine on the computer.

    You've inspired me to maybe try again.

    Ahem, Maggie Marr, you?

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    1. Give it a shot Sylvie...and Maggie? it's totally worth it now that I can stay upright on stairs.

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  7. I had progressives in my glasses, then just got a new pair without them--which was d-u-m-b. Now I take off my glasses to read, and then I can't find them, and then I have to go put on my contact lenses and then have to find my reading glasses because I HATE my bifocal contact lenses--the whole thing is just exhausting.

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  8. Join one of the rheumatology fellowship personal statement out there with our help and secure a future for not just yourself but the world as well by becoming a pediatrician.

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  9. I asked said I'd hate them first, then love them. That didn't sound good. I needed to write during those two weeks. my site

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